ON FEAR & BEGINNINGS: RUNNING NAKED FILMS

Dear Reader,

My fingers feel rusty. My mind blank. Dusty sunlight streams through the window and warms my freckled skin. The smoke alarm chirps.

I wonder– what is there to say that hasn’t already been said?

Deep insecurity washes over me. A rising river of self-doubt, guilt, fear, and a quiet sort of panic. The kind of panic that gathers slowly. It wells up from deep inside and rises like steam from the tips of my toes to the very center of my chest.

I feel like I may pop like a sad balloon.

I am not allowed to feel this way.

Never show fear.

TMI.

Confidence is everything.

I wonder how much I risk with these thoughts that spill from my fingertips. I question the quiet voice that urges me to make them real. To put them down on paper, and thereby bring them to life.

Are you hurting me or are you helping me?

Hurting me, by showing the world that I struggle with fear? Fear of not living with purpose. Fear of not making the right choices. Fear of disappointing those who depend on me and who believe in me.

And finally, the deepest fear of all, showing the world the quiet tinkering of my heart – my films, my photos, my sketches, and my words. Thoughts and dreams I have hoarded for far too long and have left to gather dust on a shelf.

Or is that voice helping me accept the simple reality that I am who I am? I fear what I fear. And that quiet steaming panic that rises inside, is the heat which will bring this patchy, hot air balloon high into the clouds.

Running Naked Films is me. It is my heart on a plate. A naked woman, running across an empty canvas. Vulnerable and Alive. A streak of light and memory burned into your retina. A lingering heat.

It is my greatest fear and it is my greatest joy.

Please enjoy the site and the work that I have gathered to share with you. I hope you connect with the material – that it makes you think, laugh and feel.

It is me.

And finally – I hope it doesn’t stop there.

Come tell stories with me. I am always looking for fellow collaborators and storytellers who are willing to race into the unknown. Let’s create something together.  

Sincerely,

Emily